Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My thoughts on the Vampires Suck Parody…

While I am not a crazed Twilight Saga fan (yes I read all the books back in the day, and have attended all of the midnight premiers for the movies so far and will attend the future ones), I just had to see the movie that just had to be made to lighten the mood for those so called crazed fans. The choke hold the Twilight Saga has on the minds of today’s teeny boppers and house hold moms is as reckless as “dating Chris Brown”.

vampire_posterWe’ve all seen the Epic Movie, Scary Movie’s 1- A Mili’, Date Movies, and all the other “whatever” Movies, and since the vampire dealio is the new “trend” it seems like it was only fitting that Vampires Suck was made, and I mean come on! It was a rather brilliant idea that somebody had to come up with. With all of the Twilight, and New Moon Parodies on YouTube it was fitting that someone harness that way to seriously taken Saga and turn it into something we can all laugh at.

A few things though really set this movie apart from all the other “whatever” Movies.

For one, if you notice all the actors actually portray their characters well. I mean, if I had never seen the actual Twilight movies, had only read the books, then saw this movie, I’d find the characters believable. While being incredibly angry that I saw a parody version of the books before the actual films.

While the movie has some very cheap jokes that make you go “What?” at times, many of them tie to the Twilight Saga well and make you wonder why Stephanie Meyer would let this movie belong in the world of her new wave vampire craze she seems to have brought out.

Another crazy thing about this movie though, is if you really look at the actors they actually are better looking for the most part than the actors in the Twilight Saga. The werewolves all have actual abs, no flabby werewolves here.

Battle of the Jacobs

Jacob White vs... Jacob Black

Chris Riggi Vs. Taylor Lautner

ChrisRiggiMilitaryDMNY            Taylor%20Lautner

I’m just going to have to go with the Gossip Girl hottie over the Werewolf heart throb. I mean… His abs were very nice, and not looking like a 14 year old boy with short hair is very appealing.

Edward Sullen vs... Edward Cullen

Matt Lanter vs... Robert Pattinson

matt-lanter   robert-pattinson-tie

I’m a little torn here, Matt obviously has the nicer body when it comes down to the whole “revealing” scene, but Pattinson just has that beautiful to die for jaw line… But he has that awkward pasty, hairy chest… But he has really nice hair. The spraying of the Big Sexy hair in the cafeteria scene of Vampires Such was price less. I can vouch for Big Sexy hair spray any day! I’ll cal this a win for Pattinson, just barely though.

Becca Crane vs... Bella Swan

Jenn Proske vs... Kirsten Stewart



In my opinion hands down Proske is prettier than Stewart, and in terms of Bella Swan the most awkward individual wins and Proske is both awkward, gorgeous, and pulls of blinking lingerie. Easy winner.

I’d say Vampires Suck is a must for anyone who is to wrapped up in seriousness of the Twilight Saga, like some of the hardcore fans and if your looking for cheap, easy laughs its good for that too.

One thing I don’t agree with though, at the end of the movie when the little girl bashes Edward Sullen in the skull and says “Team Jacob, bitch” I must disagree.

I say: “Team Jasper, Bitch!” :)


Here is my favorite Twilight Parody:


  1. bahahhahahahahah team jasper bitch. ahahhahha. :) but with the pictures....i have to say no to rob, yes to matt and a definate yes to taylor...the picture you picked for chris doesnt do him justice.

  2. hahaha-hilarious! love love love your blog! too precious!!


  3. I agree with you on all accounts and I love how that chick portrayed Bella she was exactly like Kirsten Stewart. Lol the only thing though, TEAM JACOB BITCH haha.